The journey begins

It's officially been over a year that Shaun and I have been trying to make a little one. Is it me? Is it him? Is it our opposite life schedules? So many questions are burning through my mind that I sometimes wish there was something obviously wrong my body or his. I obviously don't wish myself or others to be ill, but if I could pinpoint something, then perhaps we could just go ahead and fix it (or not). Instead, I'm left with burning questions and lots of trial and error.

Last Friday I had my first appointment with an acupuncturist. I was recommended to check out two people from friends. The one I chose was a nurse for 20 years and then decided to take a more holistic approach to the care she provided. I was eager to meet her, but I received no response when I sent an email so I set up an appointment with my other option, Remedy Clinic. Who knows how the other person would have worked out, but I am so satisfied with the interactions I've had with Ginna at Remedy.

The first appointment was a lot of discussion. She asked about my daily routine, exercise, diet, sleep, Shaun's habits, my menstrual cycle and much more. The second part of the appointment was the acupuncture part. Do the needles hurt? No. Are they all over my body? No. When the needles are placed, you feel a slight pinch and then a dull pressure which eases away. The needles are placed strategically on points that are thought to increase fertility. I had some on my feet, in my wrists and across my lower abdomen. I was left alone for about ten minutes and then Ginna returned to "tweak" the needles. After my time on my back was up, I turned over and had the needles placed on my back. I fell asleep I was so relaxed! Ok, maybe exhausted ;) I left feeling positive about this new journey, but was not looking forward to the homework. Yes, homework!

Since the appointment, I've been reading all that was given to me about acupuncture and fertility and documenting like crazy. As if my job doesn't have enough documenting, now I have to do it at home! This is just the start, but I've been tracking my daily basal body temperature (BBT), symptoms and moods. All of this information will help Ginna provide the best acupuncture according to my cycle. All of my documenting is through an app on my phone so it's been super easy.

Today I had two appointments. The first one was with my gynecologist. Again, it was another discussion. Why are you here and where do you want to go from here? Eek! I don't know! That's why I'm here! We talked for a bit and she wrote down a list of things to check out. They were basically written from least invasive to most. She agreed with tracking the BBT, suggested Shaun get checked out too (sterile cup provided, hehe) and we were about to set up an appointment to draw blood next week, but since I will not be here, that appointment will now have to wait until my next cycle. If I've learned one thing so far in this journey, it's that the stars literally have to line up perfectly to get things checked so therefore, I may not have answers as quick as I want them. Patience, Megan. Patience.

The second appointment was with Ginna. We chatted about my charting and I had another relaxing needle-sticking session. Sounds crazy. I left with a bag full of goodies. Herbal goodies. I was given a mega-potent fish oil (lemon-lime flavored...yum!) and some sort of pill to support my luteal phase. What? I think I have to go read some more now...

If you've read this post this far, then you must be willing to join me on this crazy ride. Welcome! Hop in! I'm glad you're here for the support.

XOXO

Empty Nest

The parents just pulled out of the driveway on their motorcycles and they're on their way home to PA. My love is at work. Empty nest kicks in.

I hate when this happens. The week has been busy with going here and there, laughter, and way too much eating and drinking. I try hard to reflect on the good of the week, but it doesn't work for some reason and I just end up sad and tearful. Now I'm left alone with my thoughts, the emptiness of the house and the impending doom of heading back to work tonight.

I absolutely love living here in NC, but it's moments like these when it hits hard that I miss being around family. As we continue to try to have a baby, I'm sure this struggle will only get harder. I picture Sunday dinners with family or an outing somewhere to a museum or park. The only con of living here is honestly being away from family. I'm still hopeful that one day some of them will be nearer.

I'm gonna allow myself one day to soak in the sadness. So, with that said, I'm heading back upstairs to my bed with my pups. This sadness will pass as the routine of life goes on.

Mountain pose

Breathing Mountain Yoga has opened a studio on Bloodworth Street and they had their open house today and treated everyone to a free class. The space is actually an old house that currently occupies three businesses. No one seems to be able to stay long, but I'm hoping this one sticks around. It's been quite a while (I'm guessing over a year) since I've done any yoga. Wow. Today's class was not that difficult and I struggled. My hamstrings struggled too. We didn't even go into that many poses, but focused on each part of our body and tightening and releasing all kinds of tiny muscles I forget about. My legs were actually shaking at one point. Afterward, my entire body and spirit was thankful...and eager, for more. I'm signed up for class every Saturday for the next eight weeks and I'm very much looking forward to each of them. 

The old purple house bends inward as you approach it on Bloodworth. I love the look of this house and always have. There's something about it that's welcoming which is why it's perfect for a yoga studio. I felt like I was practicing in a friend's cozy home. The smell of incense burning, the old creaking wood floors and the soft exchange of neighborly conversation was perfect. Jessica (the owner) was a great instructor. Her voice is soft and her instructions are simple. She walks around at times to help make sure you are in the poses correctly too, which I love because I definitely need help! I think I'm in the right position all the time and then someone walks by and lifts my hip or extends my arm just a little bit more and "ow!" My body quickly hates me and then accepts the new (right) position. If you're looking to start yoga or welcome it back into your routine like me, I encourage you to check out Breathing Mountain. 

A big thank you to Andrea Wallenbeck for joining me this morning. Yoga is always better with a friend! 

Namaste. 

Pause.

Relax. It's something I feel that folks have forgotten to incorporate into their daily lives. We work hard and play hard, yet the easiest and one of the healthiest things we can do doesn't even reach our to-do lists. I, however, feel that I have (almost) mastered it and believe that it strongly contributes to my (hopefully) good state of health. As I write, I decided to google "benefits of relaxation". Here's what I found...

Relaxation: 

• gives the heart a rest by slowing the heart rate
• reduces blood pressure
• slows the rate of breathing, which reduces the need for oxygen
• increases blood flow to the muscles
• decreases muscle tension

As a result of relaxation, people may experience:

• more energy
• better sleep
• enhanced immunity
• increased concentration
• better problem-solving abilities
• greater efficiency
• smoother emotions — less anger, crying, anxiety, frustration
• less headaches and pain

My research is lacking as I read the first hit that came up, but this is honestly cutting into my relaxation time ;) Do I have room for improvement with my relaxation skills? Of course! I still struggle with frequent headaches and pain (thank you, job), but I recently registered for a weekly yoga class and I'm hoping this will be a positive step in decreasing those aches and pains. 

So, what do you do to relax? Do you relax often? 

Back to my relaxing state: Bare feet, cozy striped chair, hot oolong tea, The Shins playing, pups at my feet (not chasing them at the moment), deep breaths. Perfect. 

Disclaimer: Don't relax too much...that's not good for your health either! :) 

The Last Letter

Hearing about someones death, even when it's an expected one, is never an easy thing to hear. My step grandfather had been on hospice care since January. I've been mourning the loss of my Papa Lee for quite some time, but when I got the news on Sunday that he had passed, there were still so many emotions. I was sad. I was happy. I was relieved. I was mad...at myself. I always enjoyed writing him letters because he absolutely loved reading them. A few weeks ago, he had a birthday and I forgot to send him a card. No excuses, I just got caught up in my own life. Selfish, I know. I had not seen him since April, so I told myself that in lieu of a card, I would write him a letter and fill him in on the happenings of the Dunning household. He loved hearing about our lives.

In the shower Sunday afternoon, I was thinking about what else I wanted to accomplish that day. In my mind, I had moved writing Papa Lee to top priority. It was within twenty minutes of that thought, that my Dad called. "I have some bad news. Well, maybe it's good news," he had said. Even though expected, I was still in shock. My Dad was right. It was bad news, but it was also good news. Although I believe he died as comfortably as he could with the help of hospice, he was not Papa Lee. He was in his house, but it was not him in that house. There was a man in a bed. For months, people stopped in to say goodbye including myself, Shaun and the dogs in April. I told him stories like I normally would. The only difference was he was not sharing the stories about his amazing life and travels in return and I was telling him our life updates while giving him his morphine to relieve his pain. It felt strange. Awkward. I know he heard me say goodbye and "I love you" that day, but that is not enough closure for me. Closure, is writing the letter that I should have sent:

Papa Lee, 

I'm sorry I missed your birthday. I know it probably could not have been your happiest one, but I was thinking of you and sending a hug from NC to PA. Dad tells me he visits frequently and gives me updates about your care when we talk. It sounds like you have your good days and your bad days as expected. You are very loved and seem to have many visitors! 

Things continue to go well here in the hot state of NC. The humidity has been relentless and I'm ready for my favorite season, Fall. It's a Summer like this one when I actually miss PA quite a bit. 

I passed the year mark at work. Time flies! It has been a year of ups and downs trying to navigate this new career. I went from wanting to transfer units because I was always nervous being on mine to now wanting to stay another year and re-evaluate at that time. The unit is intense, but I'm learning so much. The best part of my job is getting to care for so many people during a time when they're not their best. Oh, trust me, I have patients that test my limits. But, the patients that thank you at the end of your shift make it all worthwhile. I love being a nurse. 

Shaun is doing really well at NetApp. Yet again, he is quickly climbing the ladder and received another promotion. I could not be more proud of him. I know you know this, but he works incredibly hard so it's nice to see his efforts get rewarded. He'll probably get to travel more with this new role so we should have more stories for you! 

Parker and Maisey are as crazy as ever. Parker will turn six this month and we celebrated Maisey's first birthday with a party here at the house. Sounds crazy, but friends and their dogs came to have some fun! We had food, drinks, yard games and even a doggie birthday cake! Needless to say, the little kids that came were totally confused about why they could not eat the birthday cake. I felt terrible! I should have had a real birthday cake on hand for them. Everyone had a great time and it felt good to fill the house with friends and laughter since we never really had a housewarming party. 

That's all for now. I think of you every day and hope you're at peace. A giant hug is included with this letter. 

Love, 

Megan 

Until we meet again, goodbye Papa Lee. 

Feeling invaded

Writing a first blog entry is a little intense! I feel like my thoughts are being invaded, but I guess I will have to get used to this feeling if I really want to continue with this blog. 


I battled a long time with whether or not to create a blog. As a person who likes a paper journal, I struggled with many questions. Is my life really that interesting? Would anyone read it? Do I want anyone to read it? Does anyone care? Will people think my thoughts are strange? In the end, I came to a realization that yeah, my life is important and pretty cool! I think that I live a pretty normal life, but lately I've realized that maybe someone out there wants to come along for a more intimate ride. Intimate? Ok, I don't know about that, but throw your hands in the air and come along for a roller coaster ride! Honestly, that's what life feels like at times, right? 


My hope for this blog is to just put it all out there and hopefully with pictures (if I can figure out how to add them). 


I love the saying, "I am perfectly imperfect" and through my writing, you will (hopefully) see that. I have my good days and I have my bad days...we ALL do. I'm hoping people will be able to identify with my blog. I'm also hoping that this blog will give me a different way to connect to my family in Pennsylvania. As some of you may or may not know, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since late last year. Once we have a little one, I believe this will be a great way to share moments with far and away family and friends. 


So, as you can see, I have no (real) purpose for this blog. Is that bad? Just me, my thoughts, and sharing the stories of my life...all, while chasing (two) vizslas.