Hearing about someones death, even when it's an expected one, is never an easy thing to hear. My step grandfather had been on hospice care since January. I've been mourning the loss of my Papa Lee for quite some time, but when I got the news on Sunday that he had passed, there were still so many emotions. I was sad. I was happy. I was relieved. I was mad...at myself. I always enjoyed writing him letters because he absolutely loved reading them. A few weeks ago, he had a birthday and I forgot to send him a card. No excuses, I just got caught up in my own life. Selfish, I know. I had not seen him since April, so I told myself that in lieu of a card, I would write him a letter and fill him in on the happenings of the Dunning household. He loved hearing about our lives.
In the shower Sunday afternoon, I was thinking about what else I wanted to accomplish that day. In my mind, I had moved writing Papa Lee to top priority. It was within twenty minutes of that thought, that my Dad called. "I have some bad news. Well, maybe it's good news," he had said. Even though expected, I was still in shock. My Dad was right. It was bad news, but it was also good news. Although I believe he died as comfortably as he could with the help of hospice, he was not Papa Lee. He was in his house, but it was not him in that house. There was a man in a bed. For months, people stopped in to say goodbye including myself, Shaun and the dogs in April. I told him stories like I normally would. The only difference was he was not sharing the stories about his amazing life and travels in return and I was telling him our life updates while giving him his morphine to relieve his pain. It felt strange. Awkward. I know he heard me say goodbye and "I love you" that day, but that is not enough closure for me. Closure, is writing the letter that I should have sent:
Papa Lee,
I'm sorry I missed your birthday. I know it probably could not have been your happiest one, but I was thinking of you and sending a hug from NC to PA. Dad tells me he visits frequently and gives me updates about your care when we talk. It sounds like you have your good days and your bad days as expected. You are very loved and seem to have many visitors!
Things continue to go well here in the hot state of NC. The humidity has been relentless and I'm ready for my favorite season, Fall. It's a Summer like this one when I actually miss PA quite a bit.
I passed the year mark at work. Time flies! It has been a year of ups and downs trying to navigate this new career. I went from wanting to transfer units because I was always nervous being on mine to now wanting to stay another year and re-evaluate at that time. The unit is intense, but I'm learning so much. The best part of my job is getting to care for so many people during a time when they're not their best. Oh, trust me, I have patients that test my limits. But, the patients that thank you at the end of your shift make it all worthwhile. I love being a nurse.
Shaun is doing really well at NetApp. Yet again, he is quickly climbing the ladder and received another promotion. I could not be more proud of him. I know you know this, but he works incredibly hard so it's nice to see his efforts get rewarded. He'll probably get to travel more with this new role so we should have more stories for you!
Parker and Maisey are as crazy as ever. Parker will turn six this month and we celebrated Maisey's first birthday with a party here at the house. Sounds crazy, but friends and their dogs came to have some fun! We had food, drinks, yard games and even a doggie birthday cake! Needless to say, the little kids that came were totally confused about why they could not eat the birthday cake. I felt terrible! I should have had a real birthday cake on hand for them. Everyone had a great time and it felt good to fill the house with friends and laughter since we never really had a housewarming party.
That's all for now. I think of you every day and hope you're at peace. A giant hug is included with this letter.
Love,
Megan
Until we meet again, goodbye Papa Lee.
