The fine 9

A perfect rainy day on my back porch to try and catch up on this blog while O and E nap. When I went on my Facebook hiatus, apparently I went on a writing hiatus as well since it has been nearly three months since my last post. Now I find myself struggling with how to get you all up to speed. I guess I can begin with reflections on the Facebook timeout.

Overall, it felt good to not be on it. I remember the very first day away I even tried logging on to my Twitter account. I guess I was just longing to have some sort of connection. Anyway, what a joke! I quickly realized why I don't use Twitter. I just simply don't get it! It feels spastic to me and not user friendly. I think I spent all of five minutes trying to reconnect and then felt ashamed for even doing so. Wasn't one of my main reasons for the hiatus because I found myself not being present with my boys? And yet, here I sit, off of Facebook but still with the phone in my hand and not paying attention!

I realized that my main use for it is to simply keep people updated that aren't in our daily lives. All of our family is in Pennsylvania so it's great to be able to post pictures of O and E and to let people know that we're (in general) alive and thriving. I also realized that I use it to know the happenings around Raleigh. I felt lost without it! I have given a "like" to so many local places that it's actually how I stay up to date on happenings. I attempted to read different local blogs and such, but Facebook is nice because all events are listed in one place.

I thought I would reflect more about being deactivated for a month, but it really didn't give me any knowledge that I didn't already know. I honestly hate it. I hate that I compare my life to other lives and now I compare my children to other children. It's hard not to as you scroll through the never ending feed. I've had people insinuate that my life is perfect because of what I post on Facebook. Ha! Don't be fooled my friends. I am a normal human being. Gasp! The only reason it may appear that I have my crap together is because I choose to only post happy things on Facebook and usually it's only through pictures. It's like that part on Bambi when Thumper says, "If you can't say something nice...then don't say nothin' at all". I enjoy putting positive things on social media, but it doesn't mean that life is grand every minute of every day.

So if I hate it so much then why am I back? I returned for those far away. It is simply easier to stay connected (and quickly) all in one place. I also like to know what's going on around Raleigh :)

As far as life with the boys goes, we have officially survived nine months. They had their check-up today and we have proof that they're growing and thriving! I'm still enjoying the best of both worlds of being a stay-at-home Mom and working at night when I'm able. I wouldn't say things are easy on a day to day basis, but they're different. Need me to explain? A great example is that I used to have to find a friend in order to take them to story time at the library. With both of them requiring to be held, it was just easier to have some help. Now that they're both able to sit up, I'm able to take both of them by myself! It's quite a bit of work, but we're doing it! The whole sitting up thing has also opened up a world of going to Target without my giant IKEA bag hooked to their stroller. I can now put one in the cart and one strapped in the carrier on me. So you see, things aren't "easy," but they're different.

I would say the biggest struggle of all is still my marriage. I feel like I do the best that I can as a mother and the best that I can to take care of myself and then there's nothing left for my other half. We're way better than we were in the beginning, but we still have a long way to go. I'm snippy. SO snippy. And...I'm totally aware that I'm snippy! That's the worst part. I know my problem and yet I continue to do it. I wish I could be as patient with Shaun as I am with the boys. It's so easy to hurt the ones we love the most, isn't it?

I know that I am an extremely lucky woman to have the man that I do in my life. He is kind, smart, funny, handsome, hard-working, a damn good father that participates in the boys' lives and we make a great team. I wish I could just snap out of it and be this perfect wife, but again...I'm only human. I don't want rumors to start spreading that we're falling apart. We're not, but I feel like we're just going through the motions of being together. We want more. I think I need to start putting a certain percentage of my energy into him. He's important too, you know? Without him, there would be no family. I guess what I'm looking for is guidance. Having kids changed my marital world (among other things). I'm sure lots of you have been through it. Any suggestions?

Now it's time I get back to the boys. Since the last time I wrote, O and E became little travelers! A ten day trip to Pennsylvania had been in the works for a while, but Shaun and I thought it would be smart to do a "practice trip". The boys have their routine here at home so I was a bit nervous to take them out of their element. We took a few days and booked an apartment above a motel office at Topsail Beach. We stuck to our routine as much as we could and they adjusted just fine. Phew! The part I was most nervous about were the sleeping arrangements. At home they each have their big crib. I took a pack and play and two pea pods. I was hoping the pea pods would work because the pack and play is bulky and heavy. Plus, they have never slept together before and Emmett is a wild sleeper! In the end, both boys slept just fine in the pods and we had no real issues minus the drive home which was our fault. We decided that we wanted to take the scenic route home because that's what we liked to do in our "all about us" days. Lesson learned...if we're going to travel during afternoon nap time, make sure to get right home! The boys woke up and we still had about an hour to travel home. That left the boys with an hour to scream all the way home. It was beyond stressful and it quickly drove me to insanity.

To travel to PA, we left at the boys' bedtime and drove through the night. It went smoothly and they woke up as the sun was rising and we were pulling in to Shaun's house. We had an amazing and memorable trip. O and E had so many firsts from meeting tons of family to trying a lot of new food! They were absolute troopers through all of it and impressed me all the way. We stuck to our home routine the best we could and they adjusted beautifully. From their first taste of ice cream in Waymart to watching the horse races at their first Clearfield County Fair, I was so proud to be the Momma of two amazing little boys. Here are their latest pictures and what they're up to:

Owen

 Owen is so sweet. Over the PA trip he gave me my first real "Ma-Ma" as he was crawling towards me in bed early one morning. My heart melted and I began to cry. He was our first little "talker" and it all began on our way out to Topsail. Out of nowhere he just decided that he enjoyed hearing himself say "ba ba ba", "da da da" and "ma ma ma". He is our thinker and inspects everything he touches. I believe he thinks so much that it is the sole reason that he isn't crawling! We've had some forward motion, but nothing like his brother. He gets beyond frustrated but just won't do it! Instead, he just sits up and rocks back and forth grunting. He may not be crawling, but he loves to make music by banging things together and hearing what different noises he can create. He also loves it when you clap for him and say, "yea!" His eyes light up and he'll get even more excited to make more music.

Emmett

Emmett is my busy and easily distracted boy. This kid is on the move and there's no stopping him! He seems to be the opposite of Owen and likes to just do things and not think about them. He's all over the place with his crawling and taking on the world...and dog bowls. He enjoys smashing his toys, attempting to stand up and harassing the cat. In fact, his first word might have been "tat". I wasn't there, but Shaun says it happened and I believe it. He also seems to enjoy using his mobility to his advantage by taking and crawling away with whatever his brother is playing with and that leaves Owen rather upset for a moment. He's also "talking" quite a bit now, but thoroughly enjoys hearing himself hold a long, loud "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". I believe he just wants everyone to know that, "Emmett's here and ready to party!" Mark my words, this boy is going to be my wild child. It makes total sense too because he was always the "quiet one" on the inside. My Mom always told me that "it's the quiet ones you gotta worry about" and I think Emmett is a fine example of what she meant.

Both boys are enjoying water. They each enjoy the plastic pool on our patio and they each enjoyed the ocean. Emmett liked sitting in tidal pools and splashing, but Owen seemed a bit overwhelmed and liked to just enjoy it while he was being held. They started taking swim lessons at the YMCA right before we left for PA and had such a fun time! It was so awesome to watch them both giggling and splashing and neat to see them mimic natural swim motions in the water. We're looking forward to another lesson tomorrow!

Happy 9 Months, Owen and Emmett. The two of you make my world a better place and I love you both so much!

Owen and Emmett at 9 Months